Ask a Hippie

Q: Recently on a trip to Costa Rica I got a deep scratch which seems to be infected, there are scary red veins running up my legs – Should I go see a doctor?

A: Absolutely not. That’s nothing that teatree Oil won’t clear right up. Simply appy a drop or two to the affected area. An interesting thing about teatree oil: Did you know the AMA – thats the so-called “American Medical Association”… I mean who put these guys in charge anyways… Not me for one man.. no waaaaay man. No fucking way! Well, get this – youre not gonna believe this shit… the AMA refuses to use Teatree oil in hospitals even though its been proven to be highly effective in treating everything. Doesn’t this seem highly suspicious? Let me lay it out for you. You cannot trust your doctor – Hes just a henchman for the pharmaceutical industry whose singular goal is getting you hooked on their drugs which will eventually drain your Chi and leave you an empty husk. The real kicker is that you have to finally pay them to kill you via chemotherapy which will conveniently will cost all of your remaining money. It’s a big elaborate scam for a cure that could easily be provided by a simple regimen of wheatgrass, reiki and some teatree oil.

Q: But I tried that and it didn’t work, I’m a little scared, I think I may be dying.

A: In that case it sounds like you need to read Dr. Timothy Learys’ Tibetean Book of the Dead to guide you through this experience. Have someone read this to you:

O (name of voyager)
The time has come for you to seek new levels of reality.
Your ego and the (name) game are about to cease.
Your are about to be set face to face with the Clear Light
Your are about to experience it in its reality.
In the ego-free state, wherein all things are like the void and cloudless sky,
And the naked spotless intellect is like a transparent vacuum;
At this moment, know yourself and abide in that state.

O (name of voyager),
That which is called ego-death is coming to you.
Remember:
This is now the hour of death and rebirth;
Take advantage of this temporary death to obtain the perfect state -
Enlightenment.
Concentrate on the unity of all living beings.
Hold onto the Clear Light.
Use it to attain understanding and love.